I left the country with a heavy heart. But as I saw Singapore from my window seat on the plane, there was a sense of relief and homecoming. During my little adventure, God has given me much grace which I am very grateful for. He has also challenged me to trust in His goodness and faithfulness. My eyes are opened to see how weak I am and how great He is. I am also very grateful for friends who prayed, gave me words of advice and encouragement, and, provided practical help in their own unique ways.
As I looked through my journal, I was reminded that I kept asking myself why I was there. The initial plan was just one term of about ten weeks but I ended up with another two terms. What made me make that decision? I saw little spiritual fruit in the ministry that I was involved in. Spiritual support was low. I felt lonely. The air and heat triggered eczema on my face and arm. I had some problems with the food. What more, there were job opportunities that were presented to me each time I returned to Singapore in between. I even wrote that I must have been mad.
In fact, God was challenging me to let go of my physical and emotional securities and trust in Him. God made me see the spiritual and physical needs and feel compassion towards the people there. He showed me that He was with me even in the details. He answered my prayers of the need of His wonderful grace as I saw my arrogance and weaknesses in showing love. He showed me how to love through many loving people (believers and non-believers) there and back home. I am really thankful for the experiences in the past year.
I stand at the crossroad once again and I have to answer the question, “Now what?” It has been a question that I was afraid to answer as I know what God wants me to do. The question deep inside me from the start has been, “Why me?” Why not someone who is more eloquent, more spiritually mature, more loving, more talented, more… more…? I don’t know the answer, but He has placed in me a compulsion to go back there. I am afraid as the future is uncertain, but I know He’s here with me and ahead of me.
(** Geraldine is now actively praying for and reaching out to the same people group in SG. She is also preparing to be a long term worker in the near future.)
